So, what does this Unbreakable journey mean
No single person stays young and vibrant forever. That’s not how it works. It is, after all, a journey with a fixed start and end, and a load of cycles in between. We men in our midlife are just a little further into the journey and so need a top-up of mental and physical conditioning for the start of a new cycle.
I’ve always loved long road trips, mostly for the journey, scenery and stopping off in places you’d not normally go to for a rest. If you are over 50 now, you are at one of those stop-off points, so it’s time to check the car, luggage on the roof, and kick the tyres. It’s time to check that everything is working okay. Then, look at the “maps” to ensure you’re still on the right route.
Turning fifty is a milestone in our lives. Don’t forget that a few hundred years ago, forty was the average age a man could expect to live to, now it’s almost double that if you take care of yourself a little. We’ve harnessed the primacy of science to extend our lifespans, and with the vast opportunities that AI will bring to the medical field, we will live a lot longer. I’m totally convinced of this after researching AI since mid-2023.
This means we need to take some time to take stock of where we are mentally and physically, and plan for the next decades of a life that we could live. It’s extremely exciting because, just as when we were 20 and planned ahead with ambition and anticipation, we get to repeat this cycle only with much more experience and resources.
In taking stock of where we are in midlife, we have to take a hard look at some of the things that are causing us problems. As the quote goes, “When the new is waiting to be born and the old is waiting to die, monsters appear”. This is loosely attributed to Antonio Gramsci while he was in prison. I went through this struggle just after I turned fifty. Everything was fine in my life, and I expected it all to continue on the same trajectory. But it didn’t. Small and subtle changes started to creep in. Emotions and physical stresses that hadn’t existed before reared their ugly heads, and despite being self-employed and doing many things that I loved, something had started to turn. I wasn’t the person I’d been before, never mind someone who looked ahead with excitement and passion. It all felt a bit stale.
So, what is this fabled midlife crisis everyone goes on about? Simply put, it stems from two areas in your life: biological decline and societal expectations.
I struggled to get excited about anything and was particularly unhappy with my fitness levels. I’ve always been in good shape, but I seemed to decline rapidly. It took longer to get over hangovers, for example. Any injury or niggle I picked up in the gym would take several days to heal, as opposed to the two or three days it would in my forties. Aside from the physical problems, mentally, I felt irritable at everything that happened around me in the world, which would spark anger in a heartbeat. I felt a boredom I’d never experienced before, especially with things like my photography and writing. I’d lost all ambition and drive. Most alarmingly was that I’d lost purpose after achieving so much for so long. And yet, despite being analytically minded, I couldn’t see a solution to this problem because simply being positive or happy didn’t fix anything. Does any of this resonate with you?
So, I embarked on a mental journey for nearly three years. I pulled out the work from some of my old gurus who had helped me in my early twenties. Back then, I was a “no prospects” dad with no qualifications. Following these guru’s mind power principles helped me change direction and transform my life dramatically back then. Now, I refocused on these principles once again, but they didn’t seem to have the same effect, probably because I didn’t have the same ambition. Anyway, without going into too much detail, I came across a free Tony Robbins webinar that was about nine hours’ worth of work, and everything changed. Along with all the self-help material I’d read over the past thirty years, I was able to develop a roadmap of five steps to experiment with and sort myself out.
It changed my life and could really help yours. This is the roadmap that outlines the journey you can take to design the next thirty years of your life. The secret is actively planning the Version 2.0 of yourself. Just sitting back and reacting to what happens, believing it will all just be the same as before, is not a clever thing to do in a world that is rapidly changing. In my coaching, I separate the Biology from the Belief because they require two different approaches and different groups of exercises along the road map.
The Biology
The body ages and declines, and there is no escaping that fact. Paired with the negative mindset forged from many years of success and failure, this current cycle in your life is a pivotal one. You can slow the rate of decline and live a different, wonderful life, or you can succumb to the sadness, anxiety and regret, and sit on your couch waiting to die.
Biologically, your hormones (testosterone) take a dive naturally, and this will change you quite a bit. Testosterone is the primary male sex hormone in men, crucial for maintaining a range of bodily functions throughout a man’s life. In men over 50, it continues to play a vital role in regulating sex drive (libido), maintaining muscle mass and strength, supporting bone density, influencing fat distribution, aiding red blood cell production, and contributing to overall mood and energy levels.
A drop in this hormone can occur due to a sedentary lifestyle, poor nutritional habits, and elevated stress levels that are common in modern living. As you enter the next cycle, you will need to make a few adjustments that will also help lift your mood, regulate stress, and give you purpose. You’ll feel better as you become more mobile, and your self-esteem will improve as you see the pounds drop.
Fitness starts to decline in most men due to the aches and pains that we often assume are signs of bad ageing, rather than simply a lack of exercise and movement. Walking is simply not good enough, because you need to push yourself into zones of discomfort. Obviously, not like you did when you were younger, but the principle is still sound. Growth comes through discomfort, rest and recovery, combined with good nutrition, which becomes even more vital. Part of the coaching programme looks at your physical state and how it aligns with what you want for yourself over the next few decades. As the cliché goes, healthy body healthy mind, and simply getting stronger (and fitter) will bring about real short-term changes as your metabolism and other internal systems start to change. I always recommend strength training over cardio, especially in the beginning. Cardio is good for the heart and lungs, but strength training is great for the mind, muscles, bones and testosterone levels.
The Belief
The greatest challenges as you move into midlife are the mental aspect of reconciling your mortality while being told that you can’t do much about it. This is true because we all know how this story ends. I’ve always been fascinated by the concept that we have naturally evolved instincts towards survival in a body that heals itself, all the while having a brain knowing that we are going to die someday. A wonderful concoction for more confusion and grief, and more importantly, entrenched beliefs.
As you sit there, you will have formed an identity of who you are and what you are capable of. These will have been shaped by your experiences (successes and failures) and the societal beliefs of men over 50 you have chosen to believe.
We then have this mental reckoning when it dawns on us that we are stuck where we are. We watch ambition and hunger fizzle out, and things that once brought you joy have no effect anymore. Purpose in your life seems to have run off to find a younger person. This will make you angry, frustrated, sad, depressed, anxious, stressed, filled with regret, low self-esteem and self-worth, feelings of hopelessness, and asking yourself “what is the point?”
Did I miss anything? I know that I felt many of these emotions at some point. These are the things that can be reversed, but it won’t happen by just being positive or putting a smile on your face. Hell, you’ve been smiling through all the shit life has thrown at you to shield your loved ones since you were an adult. This is why you are tired and angry. Alongside all of this are all the limiting beliefs you’ve picked up and use to rewire your brain. Things like:
- You are too old to learn or try new things.
- It’s too late to change jobs, careers or businesses because it’s a young man’s game.
- Physical limitations only get worse from here.
- I’m not as capable/smart/relevant as I used to be as a younger person
- I should have achieved more by now
- It’s too late to start a meaningful relationship now
- I won’t have enough money for retirement
- I am over the hill now
The list goes on and on, and I’m pretty sure you’ve all had these thoughts at some point. All of these narratives and thoughts are societal beliefs that we may have started believing because we didn’t know any better. These innocuous thoughts then became narratives we told ourselves on a regular basis until they became entrenched in our reality and part of our identity.
The Unbreakable After 50 Roadmap is focused on transforming your identity from a rearview mirror perspective to a future-focused one, one that includes a list of things you still want to achieve. We review your mental state and work on your mindset, ensuring that it’s growth-focused and resilient in the face of failure. We assess your emotional and physical state before addressing the limiting beliefs and patterns that hold you back. I will help you come up with goals and plans to reach those dreams you want most in your compelling future. Lastly, we will work through the challenges in the modern world that you may be facing and work through some tools to make you resilient in taking on things that you can control. If you’d like to know more about how to help yourself, please reach out to me or book a free 30-minute taster session where we can see how best to get you the results you want
